There are somethings that I will never understand. Here is something I wrote when I was feeling really down...
I miss her. I want so much to feel her in my arms again but it seems like it might never happen. I've brought foolishness to another level. I feel like crying. She's so beautiful, yet its only her eyes that I look into. Her face so fragile, I can hardly look away. Reasons to love her? Is it necessary to explain? Its been the same since the start. I love the way we connect when we talk. The way I can be honest with myself around her. The way she allowed me to take care of her, as well as the way she took the lead when I couldn't. She made me a better person. Maturity? Don't talk to me about maturity. I've thought so much this one year it hurts.
He must be doing something very right for her. And I haven't a clue what its is. I hear her go on and on about how insensitive, demanding, controlling he is. But at the end of the day, she's still over there. I'm running out of ideas. And I'm so afraid of that. I'm so afraid that I'll run out of nice things to say to her. I'm so afraid that I'm not trying hard enough, but at the same time i'm afraid to try my best. The thought that she just stands there after i tried my best chills me to the bone.
I'm sick of people telling me to let go. I cannot and will not let go if I know she still feels for me. If I know there is a chance. I can go on forever describing every emotion that courses through me when I'm around her. Even the thought of that one kiss that will tell me that she's mine again... It lifts me and cripples me.

Yours truly in the goth rock look... Heheheh. Thanks to my brother, Dale for sending me the pictures.